Gratitude

This fall I’ve thought a lot about gratitude. I can’t help but feel so utterly and completely blessed for everything around me right now. One of my mother’s best friends always used to say “Celebrate the good days”, and my mom has repeated it to me often. And it’s true. It’s so crucial to dwell on and feel gratitude for all of the good in our lives, at least as much as we ruminate over everything going wrong. The world is essentially falling to shit around us, and sometimes it can feel hard to feel hopeful. As I read the news every morning or scroll on social media, I try to center myself by zooming out of the big picture and into the last few weeks, months, or years, and recalling all the beauty in my own life. Everything lovely and joyous and uplifting and beautiful. Only we choose how we respond to everything ugly, upsetting, and terrible we’re forced to reckon with. I firmly believe it’s important to stay educated and empathetic, but it’s also important to realize how much is out of our immediate control, and choose to feel grateful for our privilege, experiences, and people.

A little while ago, I was talking with a man who shared a recent profound thought of his with me. He told me that if all of your immediate needs are met, and you live a cushy life with essentially zero problems, then you tend to create big problems out of small ones. E.g., your Lamborghini gets towed because you parked in a closed lot and its $200 to get it back, or a barista accidentally makes your matcha latte a small when you asked for a medium, forcing you to ask for it to be remade and therefore making you late to your reformer pilates class downtown. If either of those scenarios ever happened to me, I’d probably be annoyed. After all, no one likes losing money or getting locked out of an expensive fitness class for being 4 minutes late. But that being said, if you complained about these problems to, say, someone living on the streets in the global south, they would probably tell you to go fuck yourself. Because problems are subjective. As are ours. After this man explained empathy to me as if I had never heard of it before, I told him I agree with his points. We all have very real and very hurtful challenges in life, it’s part of existence. And this fall hasn’t been a complete piece of cake for me either. But, while I don’t think there’s any point in trying to stay positive all the time (an impossible task), I do think there’s merit and reward in taking moments to be grateful for what is good as often as mulling over what is bad.

Gratitude doesn’t need to be twenty minutes filling out the lines of some twenty-dollar gratitude journal bought off TikTok shop. It’s a mindset. It’s taking those moments to be grateful for your home, your health, your agency, or the flowers blooming on your walk to class. Gratitude is powerful, and it can shape your mindset if you let it.

Now for an utterly incomplete list of what I’ve been grateful for this fall.

FAMILY

I’ve been back to Jersey a few times this semester, more than normal. I flew back for the last weekend of the bakery being open, then again for 24 hours when my cousin/one of my favorite people got engaged. I got to help set up the proposal in the bakery, and we had a small party at our house afterwards. It was so full of joy.

Then I was back for Thanksgiving week. I went to the local bar the night before Thanksgiving and left less than an hour in, resolving to never return but glad I had the experience. I painted at the local art studio with my mom, best friend, and her mom. I shopped downtown with my mom for our first “Earlier than the Bird”, and got my favorite coffee in the world from Jon and Patty’s. I saw Wicked 2 (and cried). I went up to New Brunswick for Maddie’s 22nd birthday and went out at Rutgers for the first time. I went for runs around Upper Township and quickly remembered that running in the cold is genuinely brutal. Thanksgiving at Ab’s in Philly was lovely as always. I love a trip home. My sister is currently backpacking through Europe, and I missed her. I would say that I’m the blueprint, but actually my mother is, so I’ll give her the credit.

SCHOOL

I love sunshine. Being in the sun and being in water (specifically the ocean) have always been the most comforting parts of existence. Similar to the plants on my windowsill, I’ve always needed water and sun to thrive. Miami might’ve been the perfect place to spend the second half of undergrad. I live in a lovely house, and I walk to the gym every day. I take my moped all around Coral Gables, to campus for class or to the houses of the French children I tutor in English. I feel the sunshine on my skin as I walk to the library, my favorite songs of the month playing in my headphones as I have the privilege to get degrees and be educated. I completed an internship speaking entirely in French for a non-profit and somehow survived. I made my campus better through the outreach work I do with COPE. I go to the beach and float in the ocean, I swim in the pools of my friends’ apartment buildings, and party in world-class clubs. How can I complain?

FRIENDS

God, I will never stop feeling endlessly grateful for my friends. I LOVE MY FRIENDS.

Romance comes and goes, and family can be complicated. How beautiful is it that as we live our lives, we get to form such important and real relationships with all sorts of different people. Chosen family. People there for a season, or a short time, or a lifetime.

I’ve lived in three different cities since high school graduation, and I can’t comprehend how grateful I am for the strangers who have become my friends in each of them. Making new friends is hard. And yet somehow, I’ve found genuine, lovely, amazing, unique, and wonderful friends in every place I’ve spent time in. And my long distance friends make me smile with every text or phone call. How grateful am I for the people sending me love from all across the country, across the globe.

CONCERTS

Music is everything. I love music. And I love live music. A couple of years ago I started learning about personal finance and reading some books on the subject. One in particular recommended choosing the things most important to you, and focusing on spending primarily and reasonably on those things that bring you the most happiness, guilt-free. I’ve decided concerts are one of those things for me. I don’t spend money on much. I make most of my meals at home, I rarely buy clothes or shop online, and most of my purchases are necessities. This, I’ve discovered, leaves more of my money to spend on things that bring me joy: traveling to new places, buying overpriced oatmilk lattes at local coffee shops, and seeing my favorite bands and artists live.